An Alternate New Years Resolution

 

Every year without exception, millions of us make new years resolutions. Swearing to give up some vice or another. I shall not smoke, I shall lose weight….we promise ourselves these things each year, as the new year begins. Within days however, we are white knuckling, trying to keep our self inflicted commitment to be rid of the vice, this time, forever. Or is it actually just for today? Does it even matter? Have we set ourselves up, yet again, to fail?

This is really just a form of mind control. We will control our mind, or die trying. Why? We can give up drinking, smoking, or whatever we choose, any day of the year. Does it have to be that one chosen day to begin. Have we even addressed the question we should be asking,do we really want to?

As humans, we want to succeed. So why do we create situations, that truly are a veritable mine field. So complex, that the road to success is almost guaranteed to fail. Are we just creating are own future depression? Is the feeling of failure a guarantee? Are we doomed to be a failure? Once we believe that we are a failure, it is almost impossible to shake.

Are we asking too much of ourselves ? Well that all depends, on not, what you ask for, but what you ask of yourself. If you want to climb mount Everest, you aren’t going to grab a flight, arrive at base camp and expect to go. Things don’t work that way. You need to start by conquering a few hills first.

Are we asking for what we really want, or is it something we are doing to please others? Living up to other peoples expectations is a tall order.

This year, why not be a little radical, and allow yourself the freedom to live life by your own terms.
My top 10 actions to live by daily in 2017
Appreciate the wonder of being alive

Be considerate of others,and the planet we live on

Help your fellow man, whenever, and however, you can.

Speak kindly.

Be respectful.

Brighten someones day.

Be genuine in all that you do.

Do not be a burden. Ask more of yourself than others

Be proud of all your actions, not just those you do, when you think others are watching.

Always strive to be your best you.

That is a resolution I can live by.

Happy New Year,

 

The power of willpower

More powerful than the strongest of men,
As menacing as the wrath of mother nature,
As pure as freshly fallen snow
As forgiving as unconditional love
Or the true inner warrior buried deeply within each of us.
Each of these things are the power of will.

The choice is ours alone,whether we stir up wrath, or find contentment and inner strength in all that surrounds us.

At any time, we can become toxic or free and joyful. We have the master switch. I will say that again, we have the master switch. Once we stop and ask what we want our life to look like, there would be few of us that would willing walk the hardest road. Yet we do it all the time. Finding complexities at every turn. Plot twists that would rival the greatest of novelists.

This is human nature. We each have our life’s experiences on which to draw. If all is joyful, from inside out, then savour the journey. If however, there are aspects of your life that cause struggle, wouldn’t it be freeing to know, that setting the master switch of your will, to its optimal setting for each of us , then the inner peace we all want is there for the taking.

 

Choices

It has been awhile since I last put thoughts down in a readable format. Not because of lack of interest, far from it. The routine of daily life sweeps you up and you find yourself down stream gathering your thoughts and checking back in.

Life is full of endless choices, a day starts innocently enough,deciding what to wear, a quick look at the weather prediction and the decision is made. Something cool to survive the heat,or an extra layer to protect against the wind or rain.

Simple choices as it goes,but what about the more complex ones? Lifestyle choices,usually involve deeper thought processes. Do I take a gamble and see what happens when I eat whatever I want? Or do I fight the urge for that mouth watering tantalizing treat and go with a decidedly less interesting healthier option? Am I a junk food junkie or a struggling health conscious or die trying,kind of girl? Do I sit on the fence waiting for life to make choices for me,or do I dive in and be it good or bad just experience and learn as I go? See what I mean more choices.

Even not making a decision,is in itself,making a decision now isn’t it? If you wait for life to make choices, you always have life to blame if it goes wrong I guess. On the other hand if you bravely stand up and say this is me, these are my choices and rightly or wrongly I will stand by my choices and learn both good and bad from them. That my friend is living on your own terms.

It takes a long time to get comfortable living your truth doesn’t it? A dear friend of mine often reminds me that being right doesn’t always make you popular, and the popular thing isn’t always right? She is a smart woman.

When I think about choices, It astounds me, that quite often,what appears to be an innocent choice,changes the direction of your life.

When you meet your husband, wife,soul mate, partner, or whatever name you want to give…to your significant other. Do you know in that very instant,that your life has completely changed from this one innocent encounter? Most likely you don’t have a clue,until you look back years later.

Because so much of life is random choices,you can’t really rule out much. OK for me I can happily avoid any time in jail for example and be fine with that.

What makes the difference to choose right from wrong? Can temptation steer us away from being our true best selves? Sadly yes for some people. How does the idea of robbing a bank, or killing someone, ever find it’s way into a person’s thoughts? Yet you hear reports all the time of rapists ,murderers, people committing sex crimes. Did they not begin life exactly like you and I,a blank slate upon which to write the wisdoms of our collective experiences? What happened along the way?

Some ideas start off innocently enough, NO I am not drunk,I’ll be fine to drive….. Let’s see how fast this new car can really go… I dare you to jump from this rock into the fast running water below. What’s wrong,are you chicken to try the latest and greatest drug concoction of choice. Those gang members look friendly enough, they say they are my true family.

Is it any wonder that the world seems an isolating scary space at times? At the end of the day you might get talked into a few bad decisions and still be able to say that you lived to tell the tale,while others just aren’t that lucky. The dive from the rocks resulted in paralysis.while the first hit of heroin left you on a solitary life’s journey to forsake everything for the next fix.

We all want to say that come what may.at the end of the day,our friends or family will see us through it. I am sure there are a lot of people waiting in care homes convinced there son or daughter,childhood friend or neighbour will surely be in today. Only to see another visitor free day go by.

This is actually not a negative piece. All i’m saying is life can be a bit of a mine field. That good looking guy,is actually an adulterer. That nerdy guy you don’t give another thought to,goes on to write books that change the way people think… Or becomes a nobel prize winning scientist…. What looks good isn’t always good while the things that look bad aren’t always bad.

Life is a series of millions of random choices along the way. Who we let into our hearts and who we hold an arm length away. Who you would be willing to go to the ends of the earth for,and who you walk past at a time of need.

By all means live your choices, but remember much like a convex mirror, the image you may be seeing may not be the whole picture.

The use of time

 

Do you ever feel that one day looks like the next ? Time does not stand still. Wether we choose to spend our time wisely or not,it just continues to move forward.

We can spend our time lamenting about life’s struggles, watching mindless television,or being mesmerized by either a game on the computer,or something we simply NEED to know on line. There will not be many of us,that don’t fill in time watching programs on the television that we get nothing from.

We hear everywhere,that we are more in touch than we have ever been. There are too many web sites dedicated to being in touch than probably any of us can mention by name.

Are we searching to be “in touch” because we are missing something in our own lives I wonder. The more we seem to be “in touch” the less it appears we are in fact ” in touch” at all. At least,as it relates to the people in our own lives.

There are people that are only comfortable in an electronic environment. They might have hundreds of so called friends on a web site and yet do not know how to communicate with people face to face.

Are we as a society loosing the art of conversation? Email,text etc gets the job done. If the job is changing appointments or arranging to meet perhaps. It might have the opposite effect though if it is used to avoid having to see people face to face.

Before the internet if you wanted to ask someone something you would phone, or better still you would go over and see them. Yes people are on the phone non stop these days,but do they visit?

People, spend hours emailing back and forth, each perhaps just sitting after a long day checking the computer in there living room or office space. How about in front of the TV even? It has gotten to the point where in some cases people are emailing each other in the same room. Think about that for a moment …..

Are you in the moment that you are experiencing???? Or are you listening for the ping of a new message? If you are living primarily in your electronic world, then periodically pull yourself away from the magnet that seems to connect you. Put down the devise, turn off the TV and just start a conversation. Go for a walk with a friend, that way you are exercising your body at the same time. It may not be easy at first. It will however get a whole lot better over time, the more you do it.

Make an arrangement to meet a friend. It can be anything really as long as you are connecting with people. If that is too radical a thought at this point in your life, then I suggest starting with communicating with nature and work from there. Be in the moment, feel being part of something. Silence the thoughts about what you think you should be doing, and just fully do what it is you are doing right now.

If you are anything like me, your email has become full of unsolicited promotions from companies wanting your business. Does it really warrant the time it takes to go through them all, after all it is time I will never get back. So in my old age will I remember that all my emails were answered or that I gave myself a full life by connecting with people and enjoying the moment.

How you spend your time is your choice. If however this was one of your last days with someone,would the electronic world still be a priority? We always seem to believe that people we love will be there forever until they are gone. I can always get another computer but people they are all one of a kind. Like a delightful box of your favourite chocolates,there are so many good ones to enjoy

Friendships

We all want to have friends and be loved. We have the family we are born into to begin with. At a very early age we are introduced to the concept of friendship. From the first play date,we begin to evolve our personalities through the bonds of friendship.

In infancy,we start to learn the rules of friendship. We don’t keep friends if we don’t play nice. We start sharing toys, learning the art of compromise, discovering broader boundaries.

We get our heart broken when a friend doesn’t invite us to a party perhaps,or decides she isn’t friends anymore. These play dates don’t seem like learning,however we are building foundations upon which our future friendships are based.

We learn that friendships are not always reciprocal. Throughout life we meet people with whom we have perhaps common interests,even so,that does not automatically make them friends. So what is it that changes a person from an acquaintance to a true friend?

It begins, one would think by liking something about that person. Sometimes I find the very beginning of some friendships (i’ll call it the rootlet stage) begin because they actually remind you in part, of someone else you already like or love.This may or may not be the case.

Friendship, is actually by mutual invitation. You might really like someone very much,unless that person invites you in, you can do all the contortionist moves you like and it won’t get you anywhere.

There are the oscar worthy actors and actresses among us,magicians really,that somehow transform into something we are drawn to. If what they are presenting is an illusion, it will evaporate over time, leaving a person tricked, and knocked back. This rarely ends in the happily ever after scenario.

When at the rootlet stage, friendships can almost go unnoticed. The threads that unite you in friendship are still being woven into the tapestry each friendship creates.

There are of course friends for all occasions. Work associates, class mates. Even friends of other friends. Then there is the magic of the no questions asked ,best friend. Life enriching,heart entering through thick and thin friendships. The safe haven in the stormy sea of life.

There is risk with friendships that is rarely considered. It does leave you somewhat vulnerable as you let down the mask. The rewards however can be spectacular. Like fireworks on the 4th of July.

In the world we live in and share with billions of other people,the odds of finding true friendship seem bigger than winning the lottery, yet we jump in and risk everything to find it. Most of us our lucky to find one or two people along the way as we walk through life.

We might risk friendships with people,only to discover that they are depleting rather than enriching in nature. Many stay,hoping that what we saw in the person, way back at the beginning,is still there, and can somehow ,like a super hero,save the day. While others quite quickly hit the eject button right them off and move on to pastures new.

So friendships are somewhat of an elaborate dance. The movement of give and take. A fluidity that is not easily put into words.

Are all relationships equal? Why of coarse not. It is more like a trusted bank account. You make regular deposits and watch the dividends add up. Withdrawing more than what is there spells an abrupt end. Friendships are not, in my opinion a 50-50 arrangement. You have to be willing to give 100% at a moments notice and dig into your reserves when the need arises.

This isn’t a tennis game,attempting to score points. Giving back,only when the ball is volleyed over the net. True friendship although a lot of fun is not a game. If you are in,don’t just get your toes wet and make someone else do all the work.

It is so true that you get what you give. Give fully,accept people as they are ,not how you want to change them into becomming.

There are of coarse bad choices in friends and those that imagine friendships where none exist, that however will be a subject for a future post.

Do not force friendships they can be fragile and break. Nurture them though and they become pillars of strength.

Awaiting Perfection

There are more things that await perfection than we would probably care to admit. The karma has to be just right before the promised changes are made. Everything from going on a diet,stopping smoking, giving up alcohol, leaving a relationship when all efforts to give it life support have failed, or for that matter changing jobs.

Some of our best moves in life were most likely a combination of a leap of faith,cucumstances, or for that matter divine intervention. How many times have you yourself said, or heard a friend say that they will start a diet on Monday or quit smoking once the holiday is over. The day comes and much like the proverbial goal posts the conditions have been changed under which the challenge commences. Is this because it is just too much work? Or did you like hearing yourself say you would do something while comfortably knowing the chances of actually doing it were as likely as spotting an extinct animal coming towards you.

What I find, is that when that method of declared pending change is utilized you actually do more of what you plan to give up. The last hurrah! The alleged final piece of pie,finishing the carton of cigarettes or the extra cocktail with dinner. So are we actually wanting to give ourselves permission to over indulge in our own vices?

Change does need an element of planning.Using my own health improvement journey as an example. I had to decide to take charge. Be prepared for possible failure,but limit any true risk of that happening. So I began by removing obstacles or even perceived obstacles. I didn’t allow myself time to talk myself out of it. There was no end goal. This was actually more important than I thought. You might ask why was there no end goal when clearly if my health improved that was an obtained goal. The answer to that is yes and no. Yes good health was and is a worthwhile goal for all of us. No because when a goal is achieved it is completed. As humans we mentally or physically move on. Lifestyle changes need to be forever without conditIons or convenient u turn routes that we use to escape.

Now is this too much work to have us running and hiding before we begin? How many years does it take of saying someday i’ll do… or someday i’ll be.. for us to say enough talk, it’s time for action. It’s comfortable living in a familiar fantasy world isn’t it? There is a song whose lyrics go …someday never comes…. how true. When we are honest with ourselves whenever we finally go from just thinking to doing more often than not we can be heard saying “I didn’t think it would actually ever happen.”There we have it ladies and gentleman. It is worth repeating ” I never thought it would ever happen” was that some self fulfilling prophecy?

What if everyone just thought great ideas and did nothing? That great dream you had to change the world in your teens or early 20’s got swept away by the routine of day to day living. Do you want to be 90 and thinking if only… Some of the great motivators of our time are just ordinary people they just had a dream that wasn’t allowed to just remain in the comfortable fantasy of our mind. Take a peak outside the cocoon of wishes. Let your discomfort harmonize with the vision. Empower yourself to explore the transition from wishes to achieving. Gather friends for support if need be. Isn’t it time to make a differance? Wether it’s in yourself as a person or for a greater good. Let worthwhile changes become a part of our culture rather than waiting for the unpleasant changes we see all around us to become our legacy.

What if your greatest success ,was the ability to stand in the way of your own success?

Is that just a crazy thought or could I be on to something? Personally I think I might be on to something. This is more than a tale of “yes buts” let me ask each of you this question. Have you ever had an occasion where you find yourself talking your way out,of something that would really be good for you? Another example with a similar premise would be when things are going well within a relationship and almost without warning you get inside your head sabotage the whole thing and stand back to watch the destructive implosion. Is it a latent fascination with pyrotechnics?

What is it that drives us to put ourselves in such a predicament I wonder? Is it a misguided belief that we are not worthy of true happiness? Some sort of martyr complex perhaps.

Could this even be a springboard to deflect responsibility for our choices ? At the end of the day we can always be soft on ourselves. That is likely the easiest option ,a soft landing for life’s perceived obsticles. If we are true to ourselves it’s life’s built in safety net, sometimes though we have to set aside our fears, strap on the climbing gear and inch by inch climb out of the hole we have descended into.

There comes times in every individuals life, where we just have to dig deeper than we ever imagined possible. Sometimes it is a case of mental calisthenics ,a physical onslaught or heaven forbid the dreaded mixture of both. In cases such as this it is never totally about someone else. It inevitably finds itself coming back to the reflection in the mirror. Who truly is that face staring back?

When I began my journey a person would only need to look at me to know I physically had challenges. Mentally though I was comfortable with who I was / am. It might surprise you then, to discover that although I focused on my physical wellbeing almost exclusively, my mind was put into a self clean cycle as well.

The body, mind, and spirit all appear to have their own built in first aid kit. Our own bodies just seem to instinctively know how to heal if we just don’t get in our own way.

So here I am inside my mind brushing off the cobwebs and piles of dust I had accumulated unknowingly . There is only a one way route to our better selves. So gather up the tools you need we are going in for an archeological dig. Be prepared to get to every nook and cranny let the work to our best selves begin. No excuses…. We all have them this is not the currency with which we want to deal with going forward.

Does anyone have any ideas of what tools are needed and what the path ahead looks like? We all want to be fit, focused and fabulous so together lets help each other be just that. Let the dialogue begin….

BATTLE WEARY

In life we meet every kind of person. Although we might get along with a large percentage of personality types. Invariably though from time to time, we encounter someone with whom we have fundamental differences. Nowhere is it written that everyone has to like us and that we have to like everybody. At best we have to treat all people respectably.

You hear more often than people realize, the phrase ” I hate him, or I hate her.” Sometimes it’s about people we haven’t even met, a public figure perhaps, who’s views differ from ours. Hate is a strong word, however for some reason that is the word we choose to convey.

When we encounter someone we really dislike, we can choose to walk away or prepare for battle. Walking away is not a sign of weakness. It truly is a sign of great strength. You are giving yourself permission to not engage. It stops you from being dragged into a messy situation. Is it an easy choice? Not necessarily, it varies depending on the situation. What it does do is that It takes away the other persons ability to get inside your head.

Once someone is in your head, then the battle within yourself is often too much to take. The more time the thoughts remain in your head the more toxic they have a chance of becoming. It becomes an internal attack.As if by remote control little explosions go off even when you are just retelling the story.

Over time the damage can be shocking. If your body and mind are truly one, then the poisonous thoughts can only escape through some sort of physical or mental torture. I find it much kinder on myself to remove myself from triggers as soon as I recognize then. This one action helps me stay calmer, more focused on what is good for me, and finally allows me to be in a mindset that is a positive one.

Give yourself the gift of positivity. If you have been drawn into a situation that has made you weary allow yourself to let it go. No one wins by reliving the actions that have taken away far more than we possibly can even comprehend. Allow yourself the freedom to take in all that is good rather than feeding off of negativity. It is best to surround ourselves with everything that gives us joy. We can then let the inner joy radiate.

INNER VOICES

You might read this title and think inner voices are reserved for people with psychological issues. We aren’t all crazy though,and yet I believe that we each have an inner voice.

Is it a good versus bad kind of thing? For me it’s not that simple. The ideas that come to us in the moment can be good or bad. It is up to us to decide wether to take action.

Sometimes you might find it is just a pleasant thought that moves you to embrace the idea and run with it. How many times do we say to ourselves though ” I knew it was a bad idea and did it anyway.” Where is the sense in that? One would think if we knew something was going to be bad, we would run a mile in the opposite direction. Why don’t we do that then? Like a moth to the flame we are drawn in. It could be to test if we can get away with something. On the other hand perhaps, it could be as simple as letting our wilder side go.

It might just be me, but I have noticed that the more out of character an idea is the more it wants to take hold. Fortunately they aren’t all like that. This causes an internal pull, like a magnet. Even if you give the idea a great deal of thought it seems to me it is just a check list that unlocks the reasons to justify doing it.

Most of these ideas could be quite harmless. just a whimsical flight of fancy, there are however occasions when that just isn’t so. You end up hurting yourself and those that love you.

When you unconditionally love someone, you can’t help but be drawn into what is happening in their world. So yes it is our life and we can do what we want. The thing is it might be our life but it intersects with the lives of those around us. Like a bumper car at an amusement park, you can’t just collide with someone else’s life and not expect to be pushed back. For every action there is a reaction. So stay in your lane. Do the best you can to not be tangled up in someone else’s life choices . Be the support that makes someone strong, not the cause of the explosion that tares someone’s world apart.

On Loan

Everyone in our lives is just on loan to us. They are a gift to be treasured. We do not have a right to put our expectations onto other people and yet it happens so easily doesn’t it?
Other people enrich us in so many ways. When friends get together they nourish our soul. It’s not what they do that draws us to them, it is who they are.

Other people don’t have to spend their time with us or reach out when we need someone. It is their choice, for which I am eternally thankful.

People also go when we might not be ready to let them move on. It is the story of life and our relationships with the billions of other people on the planet all trying to find themselves, their purpose and passion within their life.

To everything there is a season, try not to look forward in anticipation or behind with regret or sorrow. Allow yourself to be in the season of NOW.

Realize that this very moment in time never comes again. You might have similar moments but not this very second ever again. So fill your time, not with harsh words or negativity, but wth lightness and love.

Find contentment from within. It can not be bought or bartered for. It isn’t hidden in plain sight. It is found in a multitude of moments joined in harmony.

When I describe the relationship I have with my husband, I say that we are intertwinkled. ( inter twinkled ) Entwined relates in my eyes to being bound together. For most people they are happy with that, for us intertwinkled is cosmically coming together between people ,not because they are bound by faith perhaps, or a marriage vow but because there is no other place in the world they would rather be than with their loved one to support and comfort for eternity.

These may appear to be random thoughts strung together. I like to think of them however as just some of the pearls of truth that makes living magical.