A major source of pain for many people is love. It feels great when all is going well, yet devastating when things fall apart. Love is quite complex because in order to thrive it really needs to be a reciprocal agreement.
Before we can even convey thoughts we have a sense of being loved. Perhaps it is the way we are being held as an infant,that feeling of protection in a scary new world. From the animal kingdom and beyond every creature thrives better with love.
I have been blessed to be born into a family that loves me. I recognize that that isn’t always the case. There are people that search their whole lives for all forms of love and have only mental bruises to show for their efforts. When we don’t have a nurtured upbringing it seems to effect how we relate to people for the rest of our lives.
Is it truly possible,that our first few years of life really do set the tone for our adulthood? No pressure then for people raising young children. As an observer of people, I can’t help but notice that many people become chameleon in nature almost from the instant a relationship begins to form. Their thoughts don’t go to ” Gee I hope they like me” instead somehow the thought process shifts to ” How can I change myself so that I am noticed,and how do I adapt so that I can be loved.”There is a very large discrepancy between these two approaches.
In the “Gee I hope they like me”scenario the person isn’t thinking of changing themselves. Instead they plan to be themselves and see what happens. Being yourself at the end of the day is easy to sustain over time. We have our ups and downs but don’t change drastically from one day to the next.
In the ” How can I change myself so that I am noticed,and how do I adapt so that I can be loved” scenario the very foundation depends on you changing. This might be attainable for short term gain but to develop a strategy whereby it can be ongoing for any amount of time is next to impossible.
Let’s say, for argument sake,that you are able to find someone that loves the chameleon you. The person that they have fallen in love with,is the altered you. Can you live the rest of your life as the person you have created? Now that would be award winning if you could pull that off. My guess is that cracks would show fairly early on.
The thing is,being a chameleon is hard work. If as much effort were put into being the best you that you know how to be,you would likely be much further ahead at the end of the day.
The way I see it is this. There will be people that like you,and people that don’t like you all that much,no matter what version of you,sees the light of day. It doesn’t mean that you are a bad person it comes down to preferences really. Some people you are drawn to while others are just not your cup of tea.
You can twist and turn as much as you like hoping to catch the eye of someone that has taken your fancy. For me i’d take the easier root of just being me. At least that way i’ll love me and that’s a great start. If the real you shines through it is just a matter of time before someone starts noticing the light and is drawn to it.