I begin exploring the boxes of Christmas decorations before me, joyfully rediscovering the treasures collected from Christmases long past. It feels like all the previous Christmases are the foundation, upon which I wait to accept the Christmas yet to be.
In the warmth of the season I take a moment to think about my home. The place where I can BE anything, DO anything , and FEEL anything , with total acceptance. It is my sanctuary. It was only 18 months ago that I would barely ever leave the place. The exception was to go to medical appointments. From time to time meet up with friends. On weekends I would push myself to get groceries, even when it took a lot out of me. Perhaps a small drive, then it was right back home. I timed everything around medications, to get the most out of my outings. It would take the rest of that day and sometimes into the next to recover. Now that I can reflect on my previous reality, it wasn’t truly living. It was a case of comfortably existing.
The journey to feeling better had to begin by stepping out of the comfort of my home, and reclaiming my rightful place in the world beyond my front door. It was not a conscious decision to close myself away. It did however take shear will power and determination to step back outside and let the world know I was still here. Not only that, I was putting the world on notice that I was going to come back stronger than ever, living every minute to its fullest.
Watch out world, here I come…
Every step is simply a case of placing one foot in front of the other. What happens though, when one step takes on a dimension of its own and feels monumental? This one step has far more significance than all the other steps ever had; doesn’t it? This is the moment when one step becomes a true challenge, rather than something we do daily without thought.
If this is your moment, your challenge step, you might find it helps to remember it is just a step. No need to jump the Grand Canyon in a single leap. Baby steps are just as significant. You still get where you want to go. It just takes a little longer. Even the smallest of steps moves us from where we once were. It is a lot safer than canyon jumping could ever be.
If that is overwhelming, may I suggest you find a comfortable spot, and take some time to visualize yourself taking that first step through the door of your ever improving self. Stay with that thought as you explore the sensation of going through that door; perhaps it feels more like a wall. Try to slow down and feel the texture of the door itself, or the sensation of your hand grasping the handle. Go only as far as you feel comfortable. Come back to that thought as often as you need to. It just might over time allow your to move forward.
We are all just on loan to the universe for our lifetime, be it long or short. I can’t get back the years my illness robbed from me. I can only live for this moment and make each one meaningful to me. Wether that is spending time with loved ones, giving back or even just enjoying my home in a quite moment.
If the world beyond, at least for today is too much to take in, allow yourself to make all the moments you can matter. Hug the dog, phone a friend, let someone know you love them or simply sip a wonderful cup of tea or coffee. Experience that warmth going down your throat. Savor the moment my friend.